1. Staff Changes Resurrect Plame; CBS: Metaphor in Grounded Chopper
Of the three broadcast network evening newscasts, the NBC Nightly News delivered the most negative assessment of the situation facing a White House which made some personnel changes, with reporter David Gregory using the moves as a chance to resurrect the Plame case and to maintain, in an amazing coincidence of his personal agenda matching that of "Republicans I've been talking to," that "the President needs a Press Secretary who will be more open with the media." CBS's Jim Axelrod also got in a snarky shot that certainly put imagery over substance: "The metaphor of the day came from the President's chopper. Technical problems kept it from getting off the ground, just like grounded poll numbers and a stalled agenda are making it harder to fill top jobs."

2. Olbermann: Snow Pick Will Merge FNC's "Bias" With WH "Propaganda"
Citing reports that the White House might select Tony Snow to replace Scott McClellan as Press Secretary, MSNBC's Keith Olbermann on Wednesday night ridiculed the journalistic integrity of Snow and FNC -- even claiming, contrary to what ratings show, that the number of people who "believe" FNC is becoming "increasingly smaller." Near the top of his Countdown show, Olbermann noted Snow's Fox News affiliation before he snidely added: "As critics would suggest, as such he's already an unofficial White House spokesman." To guest Richard Wolffe of Newsweek, Olbermann proposed: "If you go with Tony Snow of Fox News, are you not saying we're only talking to that increasingly smaller group of people who believe Fox News is the sole source of truth in the world?" In another segment, with the Washington Post's Dana Milbank, Olbermann, the host of a very slanted cable news show, presumed FNC is the only network anyone sees as biased: "Would the entire Fox News bias issue suddenly become connected at the hip with how the administration handles truth versus propaganda?" Milbank quipped: "I'm not sure it would necessarily be bad for the White House, but it does raise some questions. We first have to ask if Tony's going to get back pay?"

3. Networks Falsely Cite "Record High" Price for Barrel of Oil
Though in constant, inflation-adjusted dollars -- the only way to measure prices over time -- a price of a barrel of oil will have to exceed $87 to reach a record high, the broadcast networks have been falsely trumpeting nominal oil prices as a "record high." On Wednesday night, for instance, CBS Evening News anchor Russ Mitchell inaccurately asserted that "oil prices hit another record high today, closing above 72 bucks a barrel." NBC's Brian Williams wrongly claimed that oil prices were "surging to yet another record high close. The gain on the day 82 cents per barrel. Closing price of oil, $72.17 a barrel, the third record close in a row." ABC anchor Elizabeth Vargas teased, "Big Oil. Crude hits a record high for the third day in a row."

4. Liberal Ex-Time Writer Despises "Patriot-ization" of Her Son
Remember former Time magazine contributor Nina Burleigh? She won the MRC's Quote of the Year award in 1998 for proclaiming to the Washington Post: "I would be happy to give him [Clinton] a blow job just to thank him for keeping abortion legal. I think American women should be lining up with their presidential kneepads on to show their gratitude for keeping the theocracy off our backs." Burleigh has written a piece for Salon.com (a liberal site, yes, but still viewing a corporate commercial is required) about how her son was molded into a little patriotic clone in small-town New York and how she learned that she, too, could love America, if only Bush wasn't ruining it with that vile war in Iraq, "Country boy: I cringed as my young son recited the Pledge of Allegiance. But who was I to question his innocent trust in a nation I long ago lost faith in?"

5. On Today, Actor Dennis Quaid Promotes Movie Satirizing Bush
Actor Dennis Quaid appeared on Wednesday's Today show to promote his new movie, American Dreamz, the poster for which proclaims: "Imagine A Country Where The President Never Reads The Newspaper, Where The Government Goes To War For All The Wrong Reasons And Where More People Vote For A Pop Idol Than Their Next President." But according to Quaid the movie is, "not a political statement," and that he's "not a Bush-basher." Katie Couric outed Quaid as a Gore voter in 2000 but tried to give him cover by noting he voted for Bush in 2004, though she had praise for Quaid's co-star Mandy Moore's performance in Saved, a movie that mocked Christians.

6. "Top Ten Other Announcements Meredith Vieira Would Like to Make"
As presented on the Late Show by incoming Today show co-host Meredith Vieira, the "Top Ten Other Announcements Meredith Vieira Would Like to Make."

Staff Changes Resurrect Plame; CBS: Metaphor
in Grounded Chopper

     Of the three broadcast network evening newscasts, the NBC Nightly News delivered the most negative assessment of the situation facing a White House which made some personnel changes, with reporter David Gregory using the moves as a chance to resurrect the Plame case and to maintain, in an amazing coincidence of his personal agenda matching that of "Republicans I've been talking to," that "the President needs a Press Secretary who will be more open with the media." CBS's Jim Axelrod also got in a snarky shot that certainly put imagery over substance: "The metaphor of the day came from the President's chopper. Technical problems kept it from getting off the ground, just like grounded poll numbers and a stalled agenda are making it harder to fill top jobs."

     NBC anchor Brian Williams led his newscast: "These are tough times these days at the Bush White House. The President's approval rating has hit its lowest point yet. Complaints have been coming in from fellow Republicans. And there is concern the coming midterm elections this year could spell colossal defeat for his own party." Gregory proceeded to bring up how the portfolio change for Karl Rove "comes at a time when Rove remains under investigation in the CIA leak case." Moving on to McClellan, Gregory again raised the Plame matter: "But his critics, including Republicans close to the White House, felt McClellan wasn't effective, didn't click with the press corps and lost credibility during the leak investigation when he vouched -- incorrectly it turned out -- for two key figures in the case, Scooter Libby and Rove."

     [This item was posted Wednesday night on the MRC's blog, NewsBusters.org. To share your comments, go to: newsbusters.org ]

     On the CBS Evening News, White House correspondent Jim Axelrod included this lazy comparison:
     "The metaphor of the day came from the President's chopper. Technical problems kept it from getting off the ground, just like grounded poll numbers and a stalled agenda are making it harder to fill top jobs. Take Treasury, where Secretary John Snow has signaled he wants to leave. The administration reached out to at least three high-profile business leaders recently: Time-Warner's Dick Parsons, Morgan Stanley's John Mack and Henry Paulson of Goldman Sachs. None were interested."

     Brian Williams led the April 19 NBC Nightly News:
     "Good evening. These are tough times these days at the Bush White House. The President's approval rating has hit its lowest point yet. Complaints have been coming in from fellow Republicans. And there is concern the coming midterm elections this year could spell colossal defeat for his own party. The President has replaced his chief of staff, who is now replacing other staff. Today we learned the public face of this White House, the Press Secretary Scott McClellan is departing and the hidden hand behind so much of the Bush presidency, the man the President called 'the architect,' Karl Rove, is getting a tweak. That is where we will begin tonight. Our chief White House correspondent David Gregory standing by. And David, another big day there."

     David Gregory: "It is a big day, Brian, and the feeling around here is that there is still more to come. About today's moves, top advisors say it reflects a pretty grim mood around here, a sense that this team has got to become more assertive, and frankly more effective if it's going to salvage this second term. The biggest change today was one that may be harder to notice. Karl Rove, the President's top political advisor, lost some of his duties as Deputy Chief of Staff. It comes at a time when Rove remains under investigation in the CIA leak case and is among the leading targets of critics who think the Bush team has lost its way."
     Pat Buchanan, conservative commentator: "The criticism of Rove has taken hold in the Oval Office, that the President realizes he is a lightning rod."
     Gregory: "But officials denied the move was a demotion."
     Dan Bartlett, counselor to the President: "It's not that way at all. In fact, I believe I know he feels this will free him up to focus on a lot of things in his broad portfolio."
     Gregory: "The move also frees Rove to focus on what's seen as a make or break midterm election."
     John Podesta, former Clinton Chief of Staff: "They have got to put all their chips on trying to maintain control in the House and the Senate, and right now that looks like it's, you know, it's a high stakes game and one they could lose."
     Gregory: "Today's other news was the resignation of the President's Press Secretary Scott McClellan. His departure followed complaints from Republicans who felt Mr. Bush's most public advisor was letting him down."
     President Bush on White House lawn Wednesday morning: "His is a challenging assignment dealing with you all on a regular basis, and I thought he handled his assignment with class, integrity."
     Gregory: "But his critics, including Republicans close to the White House, felt McClellan wasn't effective, didn't click with the press corps and lost credibility during the leak investigation when he vouched -- incorrectly it turned out -- for two key figures in the case, Scooter Libby and Rove."
     McClellan, October 2003: "Those individuals assured me they were not involved in this, and that's where it stands."
     Gregory concluded from the White House: "Back in 2003 Scott McClellan. He's now out. The President, we're told, close now to choosing a successor for McClellan. And we're told tonight by Republican sources that the leading contender, if he'll accept the job, is conservative commentator Tony Snow; also on a short list, Victoria Clarke and Den Senor, both former spokespersons in this administration. Bottom line tonight, Brian, from Republicans I've been talking to, the sense that the White House, the President needs a Press Secretary who will be more open with the media."

Olbermann: Snow Pick Will Merge FNC's
"Bias" With WH "Propaganda"

     Citing reports that the White House might select Tony Snow to replace Scott McClellan as Press Secretary, MSNBC's Keith Olbermann on Wednesday night ridiculed the journalistic integrity of Snow and FNC -- even claiming, contrary to what ratings show, that the number of people who "believe" FNC is becoming "increasingly smaller." Near the top of his Countdown show, Olbermann noted Snow's Fox News affiliation before he snidely added: "As critics would suggest, as such he's already an unofficial White House spokesman." To guest Richard Wolffe of Newsweek, Olbermann proposed: "If you go with Tony Snow of Fox News, are you not saying we're only talking to that increasingly smaller group of people who believe Fox News is the sole source of truth in the world?" In another segment, with the Washington Post's Dana Milbank, Olbermann, the host of a very slanted cable news show, presumed FNC is the only network anyone sees as biased: "Would the entire Fox News bias issue suddenly become connected at the hip with how the administration handles truth versus propaganda?" Milbank quipped: "I'm not sure it would necessarily be bad for the White House, but it does raise some questions. We first have to ask if Tony's going to get back pay?"

     [This item was posted Wednesday night on the MRC's blog, NewsBusters.org. To post your comments, go to: newsbusters.org ]

     For some cable ratings, check Mediabistro's TVNewser site. You'll see that anywhere from three to five times more people watch FNC than MSNBC, with the disparity at the greater end during Olbermann's 8pm EDT hour: www.mediabistro.com

     Snow was once much more involved with Fox News as host of the broadcast network's Fox News Sunday, the regular Friday host of Special Report with Brit Hume and Saturday and Sunday host of the 12-2pm ET Weekend Live hours. Currently, his only FNC duty is hosting from noon to 2pm ET Saturdays and he has a 9am -12pm ET weekday radio talk show distributed by Fox News.

     Olbermann reported in his opening summary, on the April 19 Countdown, of the personnel changes at the White House:
     "The rumor mill has already produced three names of possible successors for Scott McClellan and all of a sudden the job of White House Press Secretary seems to be like that of coach of a high-profile pro sports franchise. The first place you look for a candidate: Among the network TV analysts. Fox News reports the White House has already talked to Tony Snow. Which figures, since he works for Fox News on radio, sometimes on TV, and as critics would suggest, as such he's already an unofficial White House spokesman. Also mentioned by a series of news organizations: Victoria 'Torie' Clarke, the former Pentagon spokesperson who is, as of right now, an analyst for CNN. And just to round it out, the only candidate thus far rumored without a direct network TV news connection is the former spokesman for the provisional authority in Iraq, Dan Senor who just happens to have just become the husband of NBC's own Campbell Brown. Is that what they meant when they wrote in the vows for better or for worse?"

     Olbermann to his first guest, Newsweek White House reporter Richard Wolffe:
     "For a White House that prides itself on promoting from within, why are the rumored names outsiders, and if you go with Tony Snow of Fox News are you not saying we're only talking to that increasingly smaller group of people who believe Fox News is the sole source of truth in the world?"

     Olbermann at the end of a session with Washington Post reporter Dana Milbank, mostly about Donald Rumsfeld's status:
     "And lastly, with the worry lines that are in your forehead earned in the White House press room, we cannot let today's announcement about Scott McClellan go without you input on this. If the President really is pursuing Tony Snow from Fox, would that be frying pan and fire? Would the entire Fox News bias issue suddenly become connected at the hip with how the administration handles truth versus propaganda?"
     Dana Milbank: "I'm not sure it would necessarily be bad for the White House but it does raise some questions. We first have to ask if Tony's going to get back pay [laughter from Olbermann]. We then have to as is this just the beginning of the trend? Does Sean Hannity replace Rumsfeld at the Pentagon? Does Bill O'Reilly get the FBI? Then the man is really going to have some cops, Keith, and your viewers are going to be in some serious trouble."

     Regular Olbermann viewers will get Milbank's cop allusion. If you don't, it's not worth your time to read an explanation.

Networks Falsely Cite "Record High" Price
for Barrel of Oil

     Though in constant, inflation-adjusted dollars -- the only way to measure prices over time -- a price of a barrel of oil will have to exceed $87 to reach a record high, the broadcast networks have been falsely trumpeting nominal oil prices as a "record high." On Wednesday night, for instance, CBS Evening News anchor Russ Mitchell inaccurately asserted that "oil prices hit another record high today, closing above 72 bucks a barrel." NBC's Brian Williams wrongly claimed that oil prices were "surging to yet another record high close. The gain on the day 82 cents per barrel. Closing price of oil, $72.17 a barrel, the third record close in a row." ABC anchor Elizabeth Vargas teased, "Big Oil. Crude hits a record high for the third day in a row."
     Some print outlets have noted reality in stories about "record high" prices. In the April 18 USA Today, for instance, reporter James Healey acknowledged: "The Monday high is not a record if inflation is taken into account. That peak is the equivalent of $86.99 in today's dollars, set when oil was $38.85 a barrel in January 1981, according to the U.S. Energy Information Administration." For the USA Today story: www.usatoday.com

     For the Energy Information Administration's historic table with inflation-adjusted prices for a barrel of oil: www.eia.doe.gov

     The ABC, CBS and NBC April 19 evening newscast mis-reporting:

     # CBS Evening News. Russ Mitchell: "Oil prices hit another record high today, closing above 72 bucks a barrel."

     # NBC Nightly News. Brian Williams: "It was another wild day on the oil markets today with prices surging to yet another record high close. The gain on the day 82 cents per barrel. Closing price of oil, $72.17 a barrel, the third record close in a row."

     # ABC's World News Tonight. The up top tease from Elizabeth Vargas: "Big Oil. Crude hits a record high for the third day in a row. What's causing the price hikes? And is there an end in sight?"

     Vargas later in her newscast: "Now, to the price of oil. It set another record high today, for the third day in a row. The price of crude closed at $72.17 a barrel this afternoon. That's up 82 cents from yesterday's previous record. It means that Americans can expect to pay still more for gasoline. And ABC's Betsy Stark joins us to explain why the market is so volatile. Three record days in a row."

     For some more instances from earlier this week, check Ken Shepherd's short piece, "Networks Complain of 'Record-High' Oil That Isn't," on the MRC's Free Market Project page: www.freemarketproject.org

Liberal Ex-Time Writer Despises "Patriot-ization"
of Her Son

     Remember former Time magazine contributor Nina Burleigh? She won the MRC's Quote of the Year award in 1998 for proclaiming to the Washington Post: "I would be happy to give him [Clinton] a blow job just to thank him for keeping abortion legal. I think American women should be lining up with their presidential kneepads on to show their gratitude for keeping the theocracy off our backs." Burleigh has written a piece for Salon.com (a liberal site, yes, but still viewing a corporate commercial is required) about how her son was molded into a little patriotic clone in small-town New York and how she learned that she, too, could love America, if only Bush wasn't ruining it with that vile war in Iraq, "Country boy: I cringed as my young son recited the Pledge of Allegiance. But who was I to question his innocent trust in a nation I long ago lost faith in?"

     (In an October 15, 1998 appearance on CNBC's Hardball, Chris Matthews asked her why she had proclaimed she "would give the President the kind of sex that he got from Monica Lewinsky." The October 23, 1998 CyberAlert, with a screen shot of her, detailed her exchange with Matthews and tracked the evolution of the quote first uttered a few months earlier. See: www.mediaresearch.org )

     [This item is slightly modified from a posting by Tim Graham on the MRC's blog, NewsBusters.org: newsbusters.org ]

     An excerpt from Burleigh's April 17 Salon posting on her travails in living in a small southern New York town:

The Harlem unit of the National Guard was putting on a Christmas clothing drive for Iraqi children. On the way into the city, I tried to explain to my son what we were doing, and -- as best I could -- why. As we crossed the George Washington Bridge and the Manhattan skyline spread out below us, I began to give him a variation on the "Africans don't have any food, finish your dinner" talk. I wanted him to understand how privileged he was to live in a place where bombs weren't raining from the sky. It was a talk I'd tried to have before, but not one he'd ever paid much attention to until that day, trapped in the back seat of our car.

In simple language, I told my son that our president had started a war with a country called Iraq. I said that we were bombing cities and destroying buildings. And I explained that families just like ours now had no money or food because their parents didn't have offices to go to anymore or bosses to pay them. "America did this?" my son asked, incredulous. "Yes, America," I answered. He paused, a long silent pause, then burst out: "But Mommy, I love America! I want to hug America!"

     SUSPEND Excerpt

     The small town school had to close for financial reasons, and Burleigh's family moved back to New York City. Resume excerpt:

The patriot-ization of our son was thorough enough to survive the summer. He decorated his birthday cookies with red, white and blue sugar, and in his summer camp program, when doing arts and crafts, those were the colors of paint he favored. "I made the stars red, white and blue -- like the flag!" he exclaimed, holding a paper mobile he'd strung together.

Now it has been almost a year since my son scampered down the steps of Narrowsburg Central Rural School for the last time. We've since returned to the city, driven back to urban life more by adult boredom than our children's lack of educational opportunities. Our son is enrolled in a well-rated K-5 public school on Manhattan's Upper West Side; not surprisingly, the Pledge of Allegiance is no longer part of his morning routine. Come to think of it, and I could be wrong, I've never seen a flag on the premises.

My husband and I realized, though, that Narrowsburg did more than mold our boy into a patriot. He can, it turns out -- despite the warnings of other city parents -- read at a level twice that of his new peers. Since we returned to the city, he has learned how to ride a bike, long for an Xbox, practiced a few new swear words and, somehow, learned the meaning of "sexy." He has pretty much stopped favoring red, white and blue.

How soon childish national pride is shed, I sometimes think now, and not a little wistfully. Only once it was gone did I realize that, after our initial discomfort, my husband and I had begun to see our son's patriotism as a badge of innocence. His faith was a reminder to us that the reason we are devastated by the war in Iraq and the Bush presidency is that we too love America. We too want to believe in its potential for good and brotherhood.

     END of Excerpt

     And don't miss the part where she tattles to the ACLU on the small-town school for its voluntary Bible study. Oh, what tasks Burleigh might perform for the ACLU for keeping the theocracy off our backs...

     For Burleigh's piece in full on Salon: www.salon.com

On Today, Actor Dennis Quaid Promotes
Movie Satirizing Bush

     Actor Dennis Quaid appeared on Wednesday's Today show to promote his new movie, American Dreamz, the poster for which proclaims: "Imagine A Country Where The President Never Reads The Newspaper, Where The Government Goes To War For All The Wrong Reasons And Where More People Vote For A Pop Idol Than Their Next President." But according to Quaid the movie is, "not a political statement," and that he's "not a Bush-basher." Katie Couric outed Quaid as a Gore voter in 2000 but tried to give him cover by noting he voted for Bush in 2004, though she had praise for Quaid's co-star Mandy Moore's performance in Saved, a movie that mocked Christians.

     Universal's site for the American Dreamz movie: www.americandreamzmovie.com

     The Internet Movie Database's page for Quaid: www.imdb.com

     [This item, by the MRC's Geoff Dickens, was posted Wednesday afternoon on the MRC's blog, NewsBusters.org: newsbusters.org ]

     The Quaid-Couric discussion about American Dreamz:

     Katie Couric: "It is hard to believe that Dennis Quaid has been on the big screen for more than 30 years, particularly since he's just 35. He has more than 50 films under his belt and now he can add one more to that list. In his latest role Quaid plays a president who's looking for a way to boost his popularity so he becomes a guest judge on a hit reality show. The movie is called American Dreamz and Dennis Quaid is here to tell us all about it. Hi, Dennis how are you?"
     [Clip from American Dreamz]
     Dennis Quaid: "That was me as the president, not the guy singing."
     Couric: "I know that, I know that. Well you know you do kind of a very satirical portrayal of the President of the United States and, and, and quite frankly I know you say you throw a little Clinton, a little Reagan in there but to most observers it's very much a portrayal of George Bush."
     Quaid: "You think? I mean it's, other than the fact it's modern day and there's a war in Iraq and my, my closest adviser has a bald head."
     Couric chuckling: "So you're not trying to distance yourself from this?"
     Quaid: "Oh no, there's, no, not at all."
     Couric: "But at the same time you say it's not a political statement. You voted for Gore in 2000."
     Quaid: "It's not a political, it's not a political statement. This is a satire and everybody's up for grabs as far as satire goes and, and the way this. It's not mean-spirited really, in, in a sense unless you want to take it that way. But I think it's really more a satire on the American public."
     Couric: "And on popular culture right?"
     Quaid: "Yeah, than, than anything else because the President goes on American Idol type show and becomes a guest judge to boost his ratings. But it's, it's, more people vote for American Idol than vote for the president."
     Couric: "Isn't that amazing?"
     Quaid: "Yeah I play President Staton. He wakes up after his re-election and he's very tired and he decides that he's a little confused and he wants to start reading the newspaper."
     Couric chuckling: "He decides, yeah, he wants to kinda take a break too."
     Quaid, referring to sound bite played earlier on Today from the President: "Yeah and he finds out some very interesting things and during the course of the movie he becomes the decider."
     [Laughter in the studio]
     Couric: "Now, you know, now I want to come to your defense just because some people might get a bee in their bonnet about this portrayal. You did vote for Gore as I mentioned in 2000 but you voted for President Bush in 2004. You are a Texan."
     Quaid: "I voted yes, I, I voted Republican and I voted Democrat in my life. I consider myself to be an independent but I'm not a Bush-basher and..."
     Couric: "You did, so why did you want to do this role? You just thought it would be fun?"
     Quaid: "Well basically I wanted to do it because of Paul Weitz. I worked with him In Good Company, he's the director."
     Couric: "Right."
     Quaid: "And he's such a great writer and he asked me to do this part when we were in Spain on with, In Good Company and, and I basically said yes without even reading the script."
     Couric: "Here's a scene with you Dennis and your, your chief of staff who's played by Willem Dafoe talking through your political problems. Let's listen and then we'll talk some more."
     Quaid: "Okay."
     [clip]
     Quaid: "Willem Dafoe is so good in this."
     Couric: "Willem Dafoe is, well he's a great actor, don't you think and-"
     Quaid: "Yeah he's fantastic actor."
     Couric: "And there have been some other sort of political satires out there now. Scary Movie 4 was released last Friday and Leslie Nielsen plays the President. I haven't seen it yet but he pokes fun at, at the current sort of political situation. Do you think the timing is right for this or when do you think it crosses the line Dennis from, from appropriate sort of humor to maybe disrespectful?"
     Quaid: "I don't know. I think we've lived in an age of being, everybody's being so politically correct for so long and I, and I really would kind of hope that era is over. And you know people are not afraid to speak out or make fun or speak their minds about, about things."

     ...

     Couric: "Also Mandy Moore is in it. Marcia Gay Harden who's a great actress and-"
     Quaid: "Yeah. Mandy Moore was probably the, the biggest surprise of the entire movie. She was, I did not expect to, the character to come out of her who's, she's so sweet and then she's so ruthless at the same time."
     Couric: "Yeah."
     Quaid: "She's the perfect American Dream-style contestant."
     Couric: "Have you seen that movie Saved?"
     Quaid: "No I haven't."
     Couric: "She's really funny. You should check out that movie. She's really good."
     Quaid: "Yeah she's hysterical."

"Top Ten Other Announcements Meredith
Vieira Would Like to Make"

     From the April 19 Late Show with David Letterman, as presented by incoming Today show co-host Meredith Vieira, the "Top Ten Other Announcements Meredith Vieira Would Like to Make." Late Show home page: www.cbs.com
     10. NBC promised me two assistants, an intern and a monkey

9. Six retired generals advised me not to go to CBS

8. I once served time for running a cockfighting ring in Managua

7. I'm carrying Brad Pitt's baby

6. I haven't even started at NBC and already I'm getting creepy phone calls from Donald Trump

5. I'm thrilled to follow in the high heels of Katie Couric, Jane Pauley and Bryant Gumbel

4. A minute ago backstage I saw a rat the size of a basset hound

3. The rumors are true -- I'm on steroids

2. I can smell Dave's cheap-ass cologne from here

1. If I seem disappointed, it's because I thought I was going on Leno

     To watch a streaming RealPlayer video of Vieira reading the list, go to the Late Show's "Big Show Highlights" page: www.cbs.com

     Tip: To maximize the quality of the streaming video, make sure the connection speed setting in Real matches your modem's capabilities. Go to "Tools," then pick "Preferences" and under "Category" choose "Connection" and select the proper "Bandwidth" of your modem's connection speed.

-- Brent Baker

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